i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
