wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
