This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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