my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
