I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
