just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
