yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
