I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize