He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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