I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
