tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize