I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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