the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
