Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
