Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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