my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
