I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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