bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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