babies were throwing up all over the place
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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