went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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