well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
