he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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