Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
