My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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