I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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