I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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