I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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