I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
