Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
