ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
