Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
