the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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