So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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