Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize