I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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