watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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