I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
