i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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