hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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