Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize