tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
