Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
