u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
