we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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