i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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