he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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