Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
