So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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