i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
