I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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