so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
