Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize