And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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