my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize