it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
