Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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