I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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