I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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