just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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