You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
