Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
