Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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