i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I could fuck to npr.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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