This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
